Back to School

First day of school, 1983. The note pinned to my sister says "Handle with care. She's the favorite." (I'm not sure of that, of course. Just guessing!)

Everyone's kiddos are finally back to school. The kindergarteners, the high schoolers, the public schoolers and the homeschooled.  If there's one thing I don't miss... I DO NOT miss the first day of school.

When I was in school, my main goal was getting out of school.  The first day of the year was just one day closer to the last.  The only incentive to showing up was a few new outfits and a fresh lunchbox. 

Once the bus deposited me, though, and I found my new class and seat... I'd get back into the groove.  It was always good to see who was in your class that year and play with your friends that you hadn't seen all summer.  The first day of school, rough. But, eventually curable.

The next worst day of school? Picture day:

Kids get their school pictures taken every season these days. Good land, the pressure! In my day, once a year was bad enough. You'd pick out your outfit, your mom would stick a check in your book bag and before long you'd be handed a black plastic comb and be told to say "cheese" four seconds after the shutter had already snapped. (Those combs were totally useless after the arrival of the 80's perm, by the way.)

I remember I would never smile with my teeth in school pictures until high school. I had crooked chompers until the braces were installed in 9th grade. After that, strangely enough, I would smile humongously with my silvery shine reflecting every ounce of light in the room. For some reason I thought braces were cool.

Good thing teachers weren't so quick to call social services back in my day. One look at any school picture grades K-8 would convince the observer that I was clinically depressed. I'd be laughing and joking ten minutes later, but that side of me would never dare be captured in front of a sky blue backdrop.

I remember my sixth grade picture (top right, red sweater) was so bad, my mom wouldn't even give my own grandmother a copy! Ironically, I thought I was set that year. Not being allowed to perm before high school, I had carefully wrapped my hair in sponge rollers the night before. That was my the-world-will-think-it's-a-perm trick (until the crimping iron was discovered a couple years later, at least.) "Didn't they give you a plastic comb?" she pried. You can't plastic comb sponge-rolled hair! That ruins the whole effect!

I spent several nights of my middle school life in self-applied rollers (Sponge, plastic, even tried the sock trick for awhile.) And, spent many a-morning with a cricked neck. Looking at the picture now, I probably wouldn't have handed it out either. My hair is a rat's nest (can't completely blame the rollers, this was probably also after gym class) and for some reason I also look as if I'd been sedated that morning by a large animal vet. Would a simple toothy smile had distracted keenly from the hair? (Like in 10th grade's example, bottom middle.) The world will never know.

In my eighth grade shot (bottom right) I had forgotten to put on my training bra that morning and was horrified that the world would be able to tell! I thought I was all set walking to my locker that day. I was wearing my ultra-cool Coca-Cola shirt, you see, so this would be the best picture day ever! Then I felt a strange draft beneath my shoulders that I hadn't felt for about a year now. I forgot my bra! How does one forget one's bra, you say? Well, when you're thirteen and the boy in your algebra class calls you "Carpenter's Dream" (flat as a board), it's a mistake that can be easily made.

Grades 8-10 pictures have a bonus Easter egg feature. If you could see my lap in them, you could also see a thick pair of plastic-framed glasses resting in it. I was such a Jan Brady and refused to be photographed in my glasses. I never rode my bike into the fence, but I was (am) definitely near blind without them. After being on the wrong end of some bully teasing in high school I would only don my glasses to see the blackboard until I finally was granted contact lenses at age 16. There are only a handful of pictures out there from the eighties of me in my plastic frames. Hold on to your hats readers, because you're in for a special treat.

Wait for it.

Wait for it.

Now!

See! I reward those dedicated enough to make it to the end of a post. Considered yourselves honored. I even remembered my training bra that day (as if you can tell.) And, I'm actually smiling with teeth! That might be because a friend took this picture and not some sweaty school photographer. It might be because I think I'm rockin' because my sister actually let me borrow her favorite shirt that day. But, it's most probably because this was taken on the last day of eighth grade. School's out for summer!

Well, fortunately, my siblings' kiddos all produce adorable school pics. I don't know why genetics shined so brightly on this batch of offspring, but at least they won't be humiliated when their yearbook photos show up online one day.

From all of the reports I received last night, all kids had wonderful first days at school... for the most part. (There was one kicking incident that one of my nephews was on the receiving end of.) They all actually like going to school and have been looking forward to it for weeks now.

The child version of me could never fathom a world where I would be anticipating the school year and looking adorable while doing so. The adult me just wonders, "How on earth will these beautiful kids ever build character?"