Sister Wives

My eyes!  My eyes!  He has four wives and I can't look away!

This is my only excuse for still watching TLC's Sister Wives.  If you're one of the five people who haven't heard the premise, it's a reality program that follows polygamist, Kody, and his four (count 'em FOUR!) wives and umpteen children.  This is a strange lifestyle I'd never had the chance to get a glimpse of, so I watched out of curiosity.

By the time season one had ended---surprise, surprise---authorities started investigating Kody on the charge bigamy. (Probably why I'd never seen anything like this on TV before!)  Yet, I still watch... with hesitation.

I'm a conflicted viewer.  It was interesting in the beginning.  He had three wives at that point and they all seemed delightful and got along like sisters.  They lived in Utah, at the time, in a house built especially for polygamist-type families (Because you can find a contractor with that specialty in Utah.)  Each wife had her own wing of the household where she'd reside with her batch of offspring.  And Kody, on a revolving schedule, rotates between bedrooms throughout the week.  He would try to get our sympathy by showing us how difficult it is to get out the door on time in the mornings because his belt might be in Wife #2's room while his matching pants are in Wife #3's closet.  The cameras would follow him around in the morning while he frantically tried to assemble a complete outfit.  It was bizarre, yet entertaining.

You start off wanting to judge them for their strange sense of normalcy, but then you realize if you met any of these women outside of the home, they could probably become your best buddies!  I especially like Wife #1 (Meri) and Wife #2 (Jennelle).  They have great senses of humor, are alot of fun, their kids are great and they all dress like normal people.  (Raise your hand if you thought all polygamist women looked like this):

(Me!)

And, that's the hook of the show.  Once they've started to convince you that they're normal, they go and do something polygam-y.  Like at the end of the first season when Wife #1 set Kody up with future Wife #4.  (They tell us that's Wife #1's job, to recruit new sister wives.  Who knew!)  Now, I've always been a jealous enough girlfriend, I cannot imagine a day at any point in my future where'd I'd be inclined to fix up my own husband!  But, this is normal to them because they all (except Wife #2) grew up in polygamist families and had multi-moms themselves. 

Aye-yi-yi!  And, the more they try to argue to us the benefits of their arrangement, the more jealousy you see in their eyes as #4 soon get mixed into the goodnight kiss rotation.  The more they talk about how thin and young #4 is and how Kody finally deserves a "trophy wife", the more you can read their thoughts of snapping her in half like the twig she resembles.  Poor #1-3, they had a good thing going!

Wife #4 got her little ceremony out it all.  She got a wedding band and a sister wife ring.  This is not a legal ceremony mind you.  Kody is only legally married to our dear Meri.  Oh yeah, and I forgot to mention, #4 came complete with three ready-made children from her previous marriage (they prepped her young daughter for the new arrangement by giving her four Barbie dolls and one Ken.  I only wish I had made that up!)  Oh yeah, and #4 was pregnant by the time this season started airing last night.  (And, already rubbing it in the face of Meri, who has only been able to bear one beautiful child.  All under the guise of not rubbing it in her face, of course.)

The family has also moved to Nevada to escape the charges and provide a "safe" environment for the kids.  But, imagine this, they couldn't find a polygamist house in Vegas, so each wife is residing in her own abode in the same neighborhood.  And, Kody can be seen running from house to house with half of a matching suit flung over his shoulder each morning.  Talk of the neighborhood, I'm sure!

Now let's talk about the kids.  There are 16 1/2 of them as of this week.  About half are teenagers and the rest infant through preteen.  The older kids gets pulled into serious family meetings on a regular basis, where their opinions are usually vetoed by the end of anyhow.  They are all, smart, well-spoken, well-adjusted and independent minded (at least one teen daughter has openly stated that she does not want to  practice polygamy as an adult. Yay! One down, 15 1/2 to go!)  The family prides themselves on the fact that this is not a cult.  The children are allowed to choose their own religions.  Which is ironic, because in this week's episode they were told they could not.

The move to Las Vegas has obviously minimized the family's church options (or completely decimated them, I should say.)  No longer living in a polygamist-friendly environment they've had to settle on holding their own church services at home (which at least two of the teens had opted out of participating in on this week's show.)  The parents decided maybe they should try finding an area church youth group where the kids could commingle with other teens of the same moral set.  This leads them to a meeting with the local Presbyterian pastor.  They kindly explained what they were looking for out of this arrangement and the pastor kindly stated that this would be a nice nonjudgmental Christian safe haven for their teens to socialize in.  Then, two of the wives suddenly felt uncomfortable being there.  "No offense to you," one wife jesters to the pastor, "But, this just feels very wrong."  I'm guessing she senses demons in her midst.  Demons who love the Lord, but don't marry in multiples.  The other wives seem interested, but Kody and the other two's discomfort overrule and they scurry out of there before the Presbyterian hooks sink in.  (Really?  You're scared of the Presbyterians?  They're like the Switzerland of Christianity!)

The two strong-minded wives (my bet on the first ones to leave this situation, since they are the closest in terms of coming to their senses) aren't pleased that they don't seem to have a say in the matter, so the adults call yet another meeting of the big kids.  They lay out the situation before them and about half of the teens seem interested in joining this youth group.  The two strong wives make their points well and remind everyone that the kids are free to choose their own faith.  But, then #4 pops in with a new stipulation to this rule.  "No!  When they're eighteen they can chose their own church!  Once their frontal lobes are developed!"  One of the snarky teen girls argues, "Frontal lobe?  What the heck about our frontal lobes?!"  "It's true," Wife #4 carries on, "their frontal lobes aren't developed yet, so they can't make such decisions."  And, daddy agrees since he's scared of the Presbys.

It was such a sad scene to watch.  The kids can't hang around any Christian kids because they're not the "right" kind of Christian kids.  And, I'm too dumb to understand why because my frontal lobe is also underdeveloped due to my inability to understand this whole lifestyle.  (Something tells me Hugh Hefner's place is brimming with an overabundance of frontal lobes.)  I'm not even sure where #4 gets so much power in this decision.  Her own children are only elementary school-aged and younger.  Maybe the freshly impregnated get an extra vote in these matters.  I don't know all the rules yet.

Sadly, though, one of Wife #2's high school-aged sons is obviously suffering from a certain amount depression since the move.  Maybe from leaving all his friends behind, maybe because of the legal troubles his family is facing, maybe because all of this is being seen by countless strangers as a means of entertainment, but my heart aches for this kid.  Their attempts to "fix" him included asking him repeatedly "What's wrong?"  and when he replies, "Nothing." they leave it at that.  Now I've only had one teenage brother in my life, and I know enough to know that asking, "What's wrong?" is the least direct route to finding out what's actually wrong in a teenaged boy's life.  Kody tries to force football on him.  Wife #3 (the sweetest and most naive of the bunch) lets him escape a teenage pool party that's going on at his house to come over and play with her baby named Truely.  She claims Truely is the best therapy for him right now and "the cheapest too!"  It is the first smile we've seen crack out of him this season, but Truely can only serve as a depression Band-aid.  Someone needs to sit this kid down, off camera, and make sure he's really okay.  And, be totally open to the possibility that it may be their lifestyle that embarrasses and/or disgusts him.

Well, I have no words of wisdom to impart in closing.  Just "Ew.  Ew.  Ew. Ew.  Can't look away!  Ew."  And, "Ewww!"