Foods I HATE!

I always knew Anderson Cooper and I were soul mates. But, now he's officially confirmed it by admitting on his new talk show that he doesn't like to eat greens or drink hot beverages. 

I thought I was the only person who managed to reach middle-age without slurping down a cup of coffee every morning and choking down those salads that restaurants try to convince us are a required course of every meal.

In fact, I'll do Anderson one better and raise the ante by one pork chop, meatloaf and strawberry.

These are the foods that I despise:

• Pork chops - The grossest of all meats.  I prefer my pork by way of bacon, ham or hot dog.  I don't know which part of the pig is the chop, and from the tastes of it... I don't wanna!
• Meatloaf - Who ever thought to smush so much hamburger meat together and pretend that ketchup is its gravy?  Who requires meat by the loaf, when a patty topped with cheese and placed between two buns tastes so much better? (Or between toast with Parmesan grilled to the outside. Yum!)
• Strawberries - Their color is disturbingly radioactive.  But, it's their texture that remains totally unnecessary!  No food should feel like a cross between corduroy, Velcro and tree moss dragging across your taste buds.  If a strawberry sits on my plate, I can feel hives form just by looking at it.
• Hot beverages of any kind - I drink to quench my thirst.  Novel idea, I know.  I never understood what good could come from pouring hot, dirty, burnt-tasting water down your gullet and I probably never will.  (And, tea tastes just as unsanitary.) When I was a kid, I would resign to accepting the hot chocolate my mom would make for us when we'd come in from playing in the snow.  But, the secret is, I'd just scoop out the warm marshmellows while they were still somewhat crunchy.  Where'd the hot chocolate go?  Only the sewer system knows... and it ain't talking!
• Wet things on meat - Chicken tastes best when it's a plump, juicy, skinless breast baked at 400 degrees and maybe lightly salted.  Or, when battered and fried and clogging my arteries.  (I should go ahead and mention that I'll also accept my chicken in McNugget form.)  I do not like wet stuff on my chicken.  Don't try to gravy it, sauce it, or glop it up in any other such way and then charge me extra while I'm left with the inconvenience of having to wipe it all back off.  Chicken is good and delicious on its own.  Why try to mask that beautiful flavor?  Don't ketchup my hamburger or mustard my hot dog while we're at it either.  P.S. Hold the barbecue sauce as well.
• Any solid food mixed in mashed potatoes - If you mix your peas in your mashed potatoes you were probably dropped on your head as an infant.  This goes as well for the mastermind at KFC that decided we might also like our corn and meat mixed in them.  You are a grown-up.  You have moved past Gerber Graduates.
• Pickles - There's something pickle-lovers just don't understand.  When a non-pickle-lover finds that a pickle has been accidentally (or evilly and with full intention) placed in their sandwich they cannot "just pick it off!"  Once a pickle has touched bread or bun, it has tainted it.  Permanently.  There is no going back.  Tomato, this goes for you too.

So, I didn't see the full Anderson episode, but from what I previewed it seemed to be some sort of intervention looking for psychological reasons that Anderson is a picky eater. 

Awww, lay off him!  From one picky eater to another, we were forced to eat enough disgusting stuff as kids. We buy our own groceries, we make our own meals... now is the time to eat what we want.  If something is offensive to your palate, there's no reason to pretend.  Teasing your gag reflex is a habit you can leave behind at your childhood dinner table. 

Take a multi-vitamin and repeat after me:

"I will not eat peas, you can't make me eat peas, I will never be forced to eat peas again!"

Why?