Publisher's Clearinghouse

Everyone has their Internet routines.  Check email, check Facebook, check the news or stock reports?  My routine goes: Facebook, email, enter Publisher's Clearinghouse.  Every single day.

The best convenience the information superhighway has brought to my life is sparing me from salvaging the Publisher's Clearinghouse envelope from the junk mail pile every couple of months.  Entering online takes seconds a day. So much quicker than digging through a bunch of ads and trying to find the proper stickers and seals that you will be ordered to affix to another piece of paper hidden within the flotsam and jetsam that spills out of that yellow envelope.

It wasn't until recently that I realized this company is actually selling products in the process.  I guess I must have just thought Ed McMahon had a bottomless money bag that he got his rocks off on giving away to unsuspecting members of society.

When entering online you can scroll right past these ads, as not to tempt yourself.  You don't want to accidentally purchase this:

Or, for goodness sakes this:

Just keep on scrolling and you'll be to the submit button at the bottom of the page in no time.  You don't want to accidentally discover the appeal of a manual foot scrubber.  You don't need this stuff!

I talk about winning the Publisher's Clearinghouse Sweepstakes all the time.  So, it's safe to say I've formally claimed the prize already.  I've heard that Jim Carrey once wrote himself a check for $10 million during a time when he was struggling financially and post-dated it a few years into the future.  By the time the check's date was valid, this was Jim's current salary per film.  I'm not spooky or superstitious at all, but if Jim Carrey can claim his future paycheck, I can claim myself a sweepstakes winner.  He worked hard towards his dream, I do my best to earn mine (by taking the 30 seconds to enter the contest every day.)

Hey, in a paycheck-to-paycheck world where I was born dead in the center of Generation X, the Publishers Clearinghouse Sweepstakes seems a more plausible retirement plan than Social Security.  Scoff if you will, but I have a dream!

If I were to win, I vow not to blindly throw money in the direction of every lazy member of my circle of influence.  I will do good with it, but I'm not giving it away if it's not a charitable or proper investment.  I'd like to buy up property in the local neighborhoods and put the underemployed construction workers back to work.  My neighborhood alone has multiple foreclosures on every street.  Every street has as least one family that has been ejected from their home. Many streets have more than one.  I will scoop up these abandoned properties, restore them and sell them at close to value.  I want to redeem the property value of my neighborhood and help make it a nice place to live. 

I will buy myself a modest home and try to move as many siblings as I can closer to my own dwelling.  Mainly, I just want to decorate (this goes with the prior paragraph as well.)  My sole purpose for craving home ownership is not for the independence or privacy... it's for the furniture, paint and window treatment fun.  I'm sure the first unusual noise I hear coming from the furnace/water heater/neighbor's garage door opener will have me scrambling to the phone, "Any nieces or nephews want to sleep over tonight?!"  This is why it is good to have them close by.  I will have one boys bedroom and one girls bedroom for this purpose.  The boys bedroom will be stuffed with all of my Disney relics.  I'd also like a small library, if that's not to much to ask.  And, a second car.  And, maybe a pontoon boat. Oh, and a camper!

I will not take a lump sum payout.  I don't want to be overwhelmed with how to invest it and risk losing everything at once.  I will take a monthly payout, guaranteeing myself that I cannot blow it all in one place.  When every ingrate I ever met comes up to me and expects me to give them a million dollars, I can then honestly tell them that I don't have a million to give.  But, if they seem in dire straights I will say, "Here is a gift card for the local Kroger store."

PCH contests include prizes like a one million dollars and $5,000/week for life.  These seem reasonable.  I don't need $200 million from the state lottery.  I'm not that greedy.  Just enough to quit my day job, do a bit of traveling and live out some dreams. (I would also like two cats.  And, a Wii.)  You can dream about the state lottery or big casino win.  I'm practicing my "surprise" face for the people in the minivan with the helium balloons and oversized check. (If that's my big dream, I guess my big nightmare would be seeing that van pull up and having someone come to my door to ask me if I know what time my neighbor will be home. Ugh! That would suck!!!)

Do I really expect to win one day?  Eh, I've got a 401K in place just in case.  I've just given a lot of thought to what I'd do with it because it's a fun dream to have.  And, maybe if I have a good plan in place someone upstairs might want to give me a chance to prove it (please, please, pretty please?!)  'Cause, you know, I really would like some cats.