X Factor Premiere

So, I've never watched the X-Factor before, but caught the new season's premiere last night when nothing else worth watching was on. 

Here are my first impressions:

• The backstage drama is filmed as if they are snippets from old Laguna Beach or The Hills reruns.  Seemingly staged set ups catching convenient moments of catty remarks, hot people checking out other hot people and lovey dovey family encounters, so perfectly lit from every angle that I keep expecting a Pratt to burst through a stage door and threaten to release a sex tape on somebody.
• The judges like to swoon over good-looking people whose voices almost always crack instead of reaching the good notes.
• Britney Spears doesn't seem cuckoo at all.
• Demi Lovato seems a little cuckoo.
• Demi Lovato has had a major nose job.
• Demi Lovato has her head so far up Britney rectum that she's re-eating her lunch.  Did she really try to make plans with her to go get matching triangle tattoos?  Did I dream that?  I believe Britney's response was, "Ummmm... Ye-ahhh. We. should. do... that..."
• The auditions take place in front of a studio audience, so when someone gives a bad performance they not only have to hear snide comments from Cowell, but they also get to be booed by a live cast of thousands and then hear those same thousands laugh in their face over Cowell's insults. (Ironic sidenote: Lovato is an anti-bullying activist.)
• L.A. Reid seems to be there only to say, "Yes", "No" and basically sit there being black.  At least Randy Jackson gets a lame catchphrase.
• Britney had to turn down an auditioner who once recorded a duet with her back in the early days of her career, but whose voice hasn't stood the test of time. And, she felt horrible about it.  He in turn went backstage and broke down feeling horrible over the fact that he made Britney Spears feel horrible.  I, of course, feel horrible about the entire thing.
• Demi looks at every male contestant under the age of 25 with a primal look of hunger that could only be interpreted as, "I am SO going to stalk to like a Jonas after this!"
• Britney often wears an uncomfortable look of pain on her face, induced by having to withstand all the nonsense going on around her.
• Britney has just inherited a whole new plethora of stalkers.
• I don't think Demi will need to up any security measures.
• Simon wear white tshirts now. And, that's what makes this show different than American Idol.

P. S.  Despite all the above observations, I'm totally watching tonight's episode.