Monday, January 9, 2012

Mob Wives

Ba-da-bing! Mob Wives has finally returned to VH1 for its second season. Too classy for this stuff? Fugetaboudit!

Okay, I've run out of New Yawk slang, it's safe to keep reading now.

There's a certain fascination my generation has with mob tales. Maybe it's not just my generation, but modern America altogether. We've all seen The Godfather, Goodfellas, Casino... Some Like it Hot, even. Mafia entertainment has even been watered down enough to create it's own comedy genre (The Whole Nine Yards, Analyze This, Mickey Blue Eyes, for goodness sakes, starring Hugh Grant. Talk about watering down the genre!) 
Well, VH1 has taken Mafia tales to a whole 'nother level... Reality.

The movie world would have us believe the whole crime world is a real hush-hush matter. You'd never guess it watching these ladies in action. We've got:
  • Renee - daughter of Bonnano family honcho. Father, incarcerated.   Ex-husband, on-and-off incarcerated.   Ex-husband, Junior, actually appears on the show. With an actual slice wound scarring his face from eyebrow to cheekbone. Talk about "real"!
  • Karen - daughter of the infamous Sammy "The Bull" of the Gambino crime family.   Father, incarcerated. Many ex-loves, incarcerated from time to time.
  • Drita - (Pronounced "Dree-ter" when using a proper Staten Island accent.)   Husband, bank robber, incarcerated.
  • Carla - Husband, incarcerated during first season, but released by the season's end.   It's also alluded that Carla also grew up in "the life".
  • Ramona - New addition to season two.  "Lefty Guns" granddaughter and the worst name-dropper of the lot. (She'll be sure you know she's related to that Lefty Guns, of Donnie Brasco notoriety.)
Last season's drama was that Karen was writing a tell-all book on growing up a mafia princess and how terrible that lifestyle is.   I don't know if the book deal fell through, or if she's just doing a terrible job of marketing it, because season one ended with her in a knock-down drag-out kitty cat fight with some stew of the other girls (it's hard to remember who's fighting who in these matches. It always starts with two, but ends up with everyone in a pile of broken heels, fingernails and ripped out hair extensions.)  And, this season opened with a brawl so epic, it had to be broken up into two episodes!

For reformed princesses, there's a heck of alot of "Do you know who I am?!", "I'll kill youze!" and "You know my blood! You KNOW my BLOOD!" being tossed around.   (That last one's a threat of making sure the fightees remember her blood line, not blood type.)   They all brag about having put each other "in the hospital" in the gossipy recap sessions, but the only Wife we've actually ever seen in the hospital was Renee after a botched body lift.   Maybe "hospital" is just street slang for the salon where they get their torn weaves sewn back into their tracks at.

Crazy?   Yes.   Dangerous?   Probably.   Entertaining?   Hellah-yeah!

What the incarcerated family members think of this display, we can only imagine.   I can't guess that Drita's husband is proud of her constant bragging and laughter over the fact that she's married to a bank robber.   "ALLEGED bank robber!" I can practically hear him screaming at the prison rec room tv set.   "ALLEGED... you idiot, I'm up for parole in six months!"   All of the mob daughters have been shown dropping their daddy's names all over town in order to scare their way into better tables at restaurants, proper respect on sidewalks and Renee even used this tactic to get her dance on with a squeamish bar-mate last season.   Respect, they say.   Mmm-hmm, it's scare tactic.

Whatever.   The veil has been lifted.   Be you, Mob Wives!

(And, if any of youze has somehow found your way to my blog-site... remember, I'm a fan of the show!   I, just said, "Be you!", didn't I?   Much fear... er, I mean "respect"!)

Mob Wives airs on VH1, Sunday nights.

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