Fifteen Below

When I woke up this morning, the temperature with wind chill was fifteen degrees below zero.  This would cause most people to shudder and shrill with fear.  But, us Michiganders just head to the closet, pick out the extra layers, and resign to the fact that there will be a larger load of laundry this week.

There are some advantages to below freezing temps, however:

• You can grocery shop on your lunch break and not worry about leaving the frozen foods in the car.
• The dinner rolls you left in the car may be feesibly used as weapons if you're mugged in the parking lot later that night.
• You can seem really tough to your friends in warm climates when they complain about their 50 degrees on Facebook.
• You can finally take a short-cut across that pesky lake/pond/stream.
• The extra support from wearing two pairs of pants seems to relieve arthritis.
• You don't mind going upstairs at work for---otherwise pointless---corporate meetings. (Heat rises!)  I had one today.  Can't tell you what was on the agenda, but the second pair of pants were less of a necessity up there. Ahhhh...
• If you cross paths outdoors with a guy in a ski mask, you can jokingly say, "Don't rob me!" (mock-throwing up you hands, with a smile on your face.) This will catch him off guard just in case he was really going to.  If it turns out he's just cold, he'll simply think you're hilarious. Win, win!
• The outdoor crime rate drops tremendously.  Even gang-bangers would rather be indoors watching cable in this weather.
• If someone were to shoot at you, the gale force winds would probably redirect the bullets.
• Last but not least... the weather announcement the local news channel coined, "Cuddle Alert!"  (You're kids too old to snuggle these days?  Bet they're not too old to combat hypothermia!)

Cash reward, divided by three... carry the one, equals...

Alright, I do have one one last bonus bulletpoint:  Brought to you by my six-year-old nephew who simutaneously spotted an ice-fisherman and an Ice Rescue Station this weekend.  As I used the fisherman as an example to explain what each tool in the station was for, his major concern---were we to save the guy's life---was "What do we get?"  "You get to have saved a human life!"  "No, Kimmy... What will they GIVE us?"

Keep your eyes open.  There may be gold in them there fishin' holes for yer!  Stay cool.  Keep warm.  Bring your dogs inside.