Anderson Cooper leaked to the press today the most incredibly dispensable news of his journalistic career. The fact that he is gay. The world, in response, released a resounding, "Duh!" and went on about its breakfast.
We all figured it. As any straight women can tell you, any man this good to be true will either fall under this category or the one occupied by Ted Bundy. As the youngest son of Gloria Vanderbilt, who once (willinging and excitedly) worked as a child model, was sent to all-boys boarding school, suffered great tragedy in youth, knew Andy Warhol as a frequent family houseguest, has always been impeccibly dressed without a stylist and never forthcoming about his romantic entanglements, the ingredients all came ready-mix. For the totally unobservant and those completely in denial, his befriending of Kathy Griffin should have been the last piece of this puzzle's solution.
Yeah, yeah... nature not nuture. I'm just playing up sterotypes here. The real news of the day is to all the men who are shocked to hear me say that I'd still marry him in a heartbeat. Not just me, but I would bet large sums of money that I do not have on the odds that a huge percentage of honest women (and a possibly even larger number of dishonest ones) would too!
 |
| Do you think a straight man could make a Carhart backpack look this classy? And, don't tell me the woman photobombing him wouldn't also still say, "yes". |
Women love gay men. It shouldn't be that confusing. If it is, you clearly haven't watched enough sitcoms or romantic comedies to merit an opinion. There's a certain appeal in the kind of mate who would share a bowl of popcorn during a Real Housewives marathon instead of trying to wrestle the remote away from you during one. The kind of relationship where your wifely duties require exotic travel (instead of hunting and fishing trips), a deep and abiding support of your shoe habit and, well---depending on where your age and libido lie---alot less demand for actual wifely duties. Take us off the booty call list, Anderson, but don't take us completely out of the running!
The more pressing question is society's need to "out" every celebrity in sight. I don't care if John Travolta is or isn't. I don't care if you say Tom Cruise has been lying all these years. I don't care if the "Cydney" who Jodie Foster thanked during a recent acceptance speech is male or female. She owes nothing to me! And, Anderson Cooper's sexual orientation should weigh no more heavily on our minds than the sex lives of our colleauges, teachers, pastors and grandparents. We're not at all curious about what's going on in those bedrooms, so who cares about what's going on in his? Pass the popcorn, Coops, I think Teresa's about to flip another table!
Wrapping up this broadcast: Cooper is gay. The world remains unshocked. You may continue to fantasize about him all you want. Thank you and goodnight.
No comments:
Post a Comment