When Movies Ruin My Inner Playlist

I have a pet peeve.  Just an irk.  I'd like to blame it on Hollywood.  I'd like to blame it, like everyone else, on the music industry.  But, it's probably my own sense of recall that's at fault.  My dumb, stupid, insidious habit of letting every piece of irrelevant information take root in my memory, but letting the reminder that there's clothes in dryer somehow get filtered out.

I'm the type of person that, when I hear a song, I see an image.  I'm sure this is true with most of you.  Classic songs should conjure classic images.  But, that's where my irk comes in.  Newer movies and tv shows, heck, even laundry detergent commercials, hijack my classic playlist and ransack the place with new unwelcome visions.

This was fully realized by myself last night when I heard "Everybody's Working for the Weekend" on the car radio and an uninvited image of Chris Farley, Chippendale dancing in ill-fitting pants, magically appeared.

This isn't the first time this has happened.  My eighties flashbacks have been disrupted by new images created by Generation Y and whatever generation these new Disney kids belong to.  When I hear the chant, "Hey Mickey! You're so fine! You're so fine you blow my mind!" I wish to see Toni Basil with her pigtails bopping around as my mental music video.  But, no!  The Bring it On! girls have now crashed the party!

"Cruel Summer" is supposed to evoke a playback of the Karate Kid kicking a soccer ball around on the beach, not Blue Crush!  I'd like to hear "Rock the Casbah" without suddenly wondering if Claire Dane's character really did it in Brokedown Palace. And, I can no longer hear the song "Footloose" without hearing Lisa Kudrow's voice in Romy and Michelle's High School Reunion mis-singing, "I'm going to tell you... you've got one hell of an eye ♫" 

These are all good movies! That's not the part that I mind.  I just never asked to have my nostalgia replaced.  I miss the dancing feet in  polka dots socks, Peter Pan boots and legwarmers!  This is a part of my subconscious that didn't need a reboot.

I'm pretty sure the entire playlist of the 60's was not intended to conjure visual images of Forrest Gump, the music videos of the 80's did not star The Wedding Singer and, as funny as Jack Black is, I much prefer the soundtrack of School of Rock in its original format.

Oh well, I guess I should just submit and realize that the movie industry marches forward, while the soundtrack remains the same.  Besides, I'm sure this is the same way Wayne Newton fans feel when I choose to associate "Danke Schoen" with Ferris Bueller and how Queen's original audience feels hearing me admit that I'd first heard "Bohemian Rhapsody" while watching Wayne's World. 

Que sera sera. ~Heathers

All Hail the TV Mom!

In honor of Mother's Day, I decided to pay tribute to some of my favorite tv moms.  Being a lifelong tv addict and seeing that I spend about as much time with my television families as I do with my biological one... it only seems fair. 

 

Carol Brady (The Brady Bunch)

The world seems to epitomize every 1960's era tv mom as being the ideal mother.  To be quite honest, though, I can't really name any particularly outstanding achievements of Lassie's mom, Ricky's mom or even the adorably perfect June Cleaver.  They all blend together in a colorless mix of aprons, ironing boards, rolling pins and cast iron pots.  They all speak softly except when exhaustedly exhaling their husbands' names when said mates are being especially sarcastic or stubborn.

But, then came technicolor and with it came Carol Brady.  Mrs. Brady had style and false eyelashes.  She was sensual but matronly.  She was elegant, but could don a flannel shirt with ease for the occasional backyard leaf-raking or camping trip.  And, she broke the cardinal rule of 60's tv motherhood by (gasp!) employing a maid!  A sixties tv mom who admittedly needed assistance with the household duties??? (faint!)  But, at least Mrs. Brady could always be found stirring a pot or assembling school lunches right next to good ol' Alice.  Not too proud to pull at least 30% of the weight.

And, Mrs. Brady was cool!  She'd always be shopping to keep the kids' wardrobes properly groovy.  She would bring such finds home from the kinds of stores that would wrap each shirt in its own little gift box, with its own fold of tissue paper tied together with its own little brown string.  She'd let her girls grow their hair to inappropriate lengths if they wanted to, with no concern for tangles or knots.  She'd let her kids take chances, but make sure they learned from their mistakes. She'd nurse you well when you were sick.  Take on your tiny problems as if they were her own.  Help you with your homework.  Let everyone have their say in family matters.  And, all with liquid eyeliner perfectly in place and while blissfully unaware of her husband's homosexuality.

Wilma Flintstone (The Flintstones)

The only cartoon mom that comes to mind, so she must have been the best!  She had the patience of a saint dealing with that hot-headed caveman of hers.  And, she could stand her ground next to him!  If she wants to sleep in her own twin bed, she'll sleep in her own twin bed.  If she wants to swoonily wait for the neighborhood Kissing Bandit to accost her, she's going to openly wait for that Kissing Bandit.  If she wants to hang out with Betty Rubble all evening, she's going to hang out with Betty, dang it!  I also always admired her red hair and giant rock pearls.  And, she did bear the cutest little cave baby known to man.

 

Carol Ingalls (Little House on the Prairie)

Oh Mrs. Ingalls.  So gentle, so wise, so good-hearted and even tough when necessary.  With all of these wonderful traits, all true, my biggest childhood impression of Carol Ingalls remains to be how she could take her hair down at night, brush all four feet of it with a boar bristle brush and look every inch a runway model.  On the prairie.  What a waste.

Claire Huxtable (The Cosby Show)

Look at that face Mrs. Huxtable is making at you. You're not even going to think of sassing Mrs. Huxtable when she's giving you that look! Now, you take your books, you march upstairs and you do every speck of homework in sight until you make something out of your life! She didn't work this hard for this long raising this many babies to sit around and watch you throw it all back in her face.   Are we clear???

"Picture it, Sicily, 1923..."

 Sophia Petrillo (Golden Girls) 

Oh Sophia!  You give your daughter and her roommates such a headache!  But, one day Dorothy will realize you've given her the greatest gift.  The gift that all daughters wish they had once their mothers are gone.  An exhaustively detailed ancestral history.  There will be no question, filling out that family tree, where Mama Petrillo came from!

 

Roseanne Connor (Roseanne)

The real mom.  She made mistakes.  She'd eventually admit to them.  She'd let you roam, knowing when not to sweat the small stuff and when to reel you back in.  She made the recipes off the backs of the boxes.  She'd put ketchup in the spaghetti if it saved a few pennies.  Yeah, her house may smell like mildew (I'm assuming) but you were always welcome back into it.  With your husband.  And, you're husband's brother. (Hey, maybe you could get one of those guys to look into that mildew problem...)

 

Cindy Walsh (Beverly Hills 90210)

The other nineties mom.  Practically perfect in every way.  Who else could handle Brenda's reign of terror without breaking a sweat?  Not, Kelly Taylor's mom.  That's for sure!

 

Caroline Manzo (The Real Housewives of New Jersey)

In a reality franchise meant to be utterly satirical; where viewers point and gawk at over-privileged undeserving housewives as they raise their families in the most stomach-churning and spirit-wrenching of ways... Out of the moral rubble, emerges a real life supermom!  Mama Manzo not only successfully parents her own brood of three, but dozens of middle-aged Joisy women as well.  I'll put myself up for adoption any day, if you're looking to replenish that empty nest of yours.

 

Claire Littleton (Lost)

I can't do a "tv favorites" post without mentioning my absolutely favorite television show of all time!  Claire was the only mom of the original cast, so it is what it is.  Yeah, there was Danielle.  And, eventually Sun.  And, Kate stepped in for a little bit there.  But, Claire was the only mother we got to spend an adequate amount of time watching her parent.  During which, she lost her baby to a kidnapper, almost let Charlie run off to psychotically baptize/drown him, left him to fend for himself in a pile of twigs with a sleeping Sawyer, a forest full of ghost whispers and legions of Others, Whatevers and Freighter Folk running amok nearby.  She eventually goes feral and forgets every important and sane detail of her and her child's life together, not to mention, how they parted.  Well, okay... so maybe I should rethink this nomination.

So what have we learned today?  Most good tv moms first names start with the letter C.  An even better ones, use some derivative of the name Carol. 

As much as we love and admire our tv moms, let's not forget the real ones this weekend.  No matter what your experiences with your real life mom, she's the one God appointed to you.  The least you can do is pick up a phone or a greeting card this Sunday and let her know she's the only mom for you! (Love you, Real Mom!)