Grammy Wrap-Up 2014

After a lackluster Red Carpet and a ho-hum (but non-offensive) hosting job by LL Cool J, I had leery feelings about this year's Grammy Awards.  Fortunately, soon after, several memorable performances were able to pick up the slack and keep my finger off the remote.

This is your 2014 Grammy Wrap-up.

The Fashion: I'll skip my usual red carpet walk-through, 'cause I don't want to bore you with the Gaga-less pre-show that we were forced to endure. Let's just quickly tick the most talked-about looks off the list:

Taylor Swift: I've been happy to see Taylor trying something a little more grown-up these past few red carpet walks. Grammy night, she made a very rock 'n roll effort in shoulder to toe chain mail. My sources* tell me she asked her stylist to "Find me something as hard and heavy as my cold cold broken heart." (*Sources=The voices in my head.)

Katy Perry: A vision in treble clef.

Madonna: I was honestly surprised at the shock and awe the red carpet commentators showed over Madonna's look of the night. I mean, come on people.  It's the twenty-first century and she's 55 now. Let's not be amazed that the lady finally put on a pair of pants.

Pharrell's Hat: I adore Pharrell as I would a newborn kitten. He's usually the first man on-point on any red carpet, stage and probably even, grocery store. So, what was with the Addidas jacket/Mountie hat combo?  It's like he ran into the costume shop grazing one arm down the Run DMC rack and while the other got tangled up in camping goods. At least he could boast the warmest head in the nation during this polar vortex, if nothing else.

Macklemore: My boo decided to forgo the thrift shop for the biggest music night of the year and ended up looking tame and handsome in his velvet suit. (His male secretary looks pretty spiffy too.)

[Shake, Shake] You can wake up from your fashion coma now!

Let's move onto the Show: 

The Performances:

A shapely figure appears out of the shadows. She's curvy (so, not Miley), pantsless (can't be Madonna), steamy (is it Rihanna?) and she's starting to sing (...oops. Can't be Rihanna.)

As the camera finally pans to our opening diva's face we realize, "Oh, it's Beyonce!" I knew Beyonce and Jay-Z were slated to perform, once again, together on the Grammy stage.  I just didn't realize I was in for a case of the major TMIs.  Let's just make this short and sweet by saying the couple offered us an intimate peek into their bedroom (sorry, kitchen...) life.  By the time Jay was rapping, "I am Ike Turner. Baby know I don't play. Eat the cake Anna Mae. Said eat the cake Anna Mae!" with his wife grinning behind him, I was begging, "Keep your domestic abuse fantasies to yourself next time!"

Lorde took the stage just in time to cleanse the palate with an elegantly stripped-down version of "Royals". I just couldn't decide if the irony of the lyrics was completely lost on her audience that night, or if they'd just come to accept their jet planes, islands, tigers-on-their-gold-leash status.

I've been so impressed with the growth and maturity of Katy Perry this year. (Of which, I oddly credit to her relationship with John Mayer. Call him what you want, but he does net the recognition of being a true musician.) I was taking this all in as her "Dark Horse" performance began. "Look at her hair. Her graceful dancing. What a lady she's becoming." Then her boobs lit up.

Kendrick Lamar with Imagine Dragons set me to head-banging (gentle head-banging. I have a tender neck.) with their "Maad City/Radioactive" mash-up. Two things that stood out in this collaboration. One: Their obvious inspiration by someone's participation in a Color Run. Two: Their cooperation in sharing percussion duties.

Speaking of Head-banging: Taylor Swift's "All Too Well" performance I found to be actually enjoyable for a change. I rooted this girl on throughout her teens, impressed by her writing her own music and running her own empire at such a young age.  But, once her twenties came along, "the change" never happened that you usually see in artists at this crossroad. She was still complaining about boys breaking up with her. But, guess what Taylor? That's what boys do. That's what men do. That's why you've amassed your own huge fortune to support yourself with. Welcome to the age of feminism! But, I can't lie and say I don't enjoy the short-lived game of Guess Who? that's involved each time a new single is released. "Who's this one about?" A quick Google search tells me Jake Gyllenhaal. Truth in lyrics? I don't know. Something tells me if she really left her scarf at Maggie Gyllenhaal's house, it's most like being used as a baby sling. (And, it's time to make a choice Taylor. Turn left, turn right... it's your choice. But, you GOT to move forward. That's what happens at the crossroad.)

Pink took to the aerial silks once again for her "Try" performance, reminding us she will always have a fall-back career in the Cirque du Soleil.

Robin Thicke and Chicago filled their ho-hum duties by being one of the less-stellar old school/new school match-ups of the night. Chicago did earn ten extra bonus points from me, however, by managing to keep their butt-cracks off of Robin during the "Blurred Lines" segment.

Willie Nelson, Merle Haggard, Kris Kristofferson and newly dubbed Highwayman Blake Shelton kicked up some country bumpkin fun with a nostalgic performance of "Oakie from Muskogee" and "Mamas Don't Let Your Babies Grow Up to be Cowboys". I was impressed with the number of hot shots in the audience who managed to sing along through the entire medley. It seems we all shared the same family road trip experiences.

Metallica plus classical pianist Lang Lang had us first saying "Huh?" and then screaming "MORE!!!" And, how shallow (and old) do I sound when I mention that they're all still as hot as ever? Metallica, that is. Not Lang. Well, fine Lang... we'll give you one night only of hot-by-association.

Which leaves us with Macklemore, Mary Lambert, Madonna and Queen Latifah (I'd mention Ryan Lewis too, but I'm still not sure what he actually does. Macklemore's fluffer?) with their beautiful ceremonial collaboration of "Same Love" and (seriously) "Open Your Heart". (Am I the only one who could have done without the "Open Your Heart"?) I use the word ceremonial with good reason too. There was actually a wedding ceremony performed during the medley! 33 couples (a mix of both gay and straight) wed to the lull of Mary Lambert cooing, "She keeps me warm ♫" while Queen Latifah performed the vow recital with, apparently, some sort of power vested in her. I was surprised at the odd backlash this segment received online immediately afterward. Not even over the issue of gay marriage, but because an awards show was seemingly not an appropriate place to hold a wedding ceremony. And, drunken in a Vegas drive-thru is?! Call me tacky, but if this is controversy, then point the finger of judgement directly at me too. I'm sorry, but weddings are boring. The commitment is beautiful, but the event is usually such a snooze. If I ever bite the bullet myself one day, may it please be at an awards show, with a half-sleeve tattoo and Mack, Mar and Mo as witnesses.

And, all the Rest... (ie. other uncategorized moments)

What? Huh? I understood the presence of Anna Kendrick. She is a sanger now too, you know. (Not to mention, a delightful presenter.)  But, Julia Roberts? Jeremy Renner? I fail to see the presenter connection here. And, I welcome Jeremy Renner anywhere, anytime with open arms... but, huh? Don't they have enough red carpet looks to worry about this season.

After the fun Guess Who? game during Taylor Swift's song, my brain just could not shut off. This led to me tabulating during the In Memoriam segment. And, if the averages of the list are to be believed, the three most deadly music genres: country, jazz and classical piano. (But, you might want to check my math on that...)

Jay-Z dedicates Best Rap Collaboration win for "Holy Grail" to God. (Lyric sample: "Blue told me to remind you n-----s. F--k that sh-t y'all talkin' about. I'm the n---a, caught up in all these lights and cameras. But, look what that sh-t did to Hammer. G-d d-mn it I like it.") To which God replied, "No thanks, I'm good."

Daft Punk were the princes (or princesses? Who really knows what's going on under there) of the night winning four big categories. They could only share their thanks through an interpreter, but I have a sneaking suspicion they may have wed during the mass ceremony, undetected.

I saved a very special award for last. 

The Best Audience Member trophy goes to Steven Tyler!

He sang along, shimmied and rocked his brains out to every performance that came along. Then as presenter he literally sang his praises to his co-presenter, the great Smoky Robinson.  Why? Because someone handed him a microphone and he's Steven Tyler. May everyone have this much fun this award season.

American Hustle

David O. Russell is my favorite director of the 21st century. As you can imagine, after this pronouncement, my expectations were way up in the clouds before I went to see his newest film American Hustle this afternoon.

What I love about Russell's role as director is that he's doesn't go about his job in the obvious Hollywood way. He's not known for making your token mob movies, romantic comedies, bombs and blasts thrillers or historic period pieces. He's created his own brand that can't really be defined in "business" terms.

His latest three movies centered around a boxer, a bipolar mending his life and a couple of con artists. Or were they about a junkie, a dance contest and government corruption? There's no clear way to say.

The reason David O. Russell can't be pinned to a genre is because he transcends the term.  His movie-making style, rather than be plot-driven, comes from his hallmark brilliance in creating fully fleshed out characters as his theme instead. Characters that live and breathe. Stories touched with familial conflict and complex love stories that are never nice, neat or fairy tale driven. Often raw, always believable and very real.

He makes dramas, but with large enough doses of comedy to make them watchable. And, rewatchable. And, then purchasable when that time comes. Rewatchable dramas are really hard to come by, if you think about it.

Important stories can be beautifully cinematic, but not always enjoyable. I didn't buy Lincoln on DVD, even though it was on my top five list of last years releases. But, I've watched Silver Linings Playbook and The Fighter more times than I can count.

I guess maybe that is Russell's very special genre. Watchable drama. He knows that stories that are real or gritty or hard or full of pain, shouldn't be deprived of lightness and humor. LIFE is real and gritty and hard and full of pain, but who has never laughed? I'm glad someone in charge of our entertainment has come to realize this.

So did Hustle meet the D.O.R. standard? Pfft... yeah!

Once again, he's chosen from his favorite returning team players, adding a few fresh faces into the mix to keep the ball rolling. His dream team of modern talent:

Amy Adams

Back in the saddle with Russell after her amazing turn in The Fighter. Brilliantly playing the female lead con, Sydney/Edith... whoever she is. Her most enigmatic role to date. She's been nominated before, she's come awfully close, but with this performance she's practically demanding her Oscar already!

Bradley Cooper

Back from his Silver Linings Playbook nomination, Cooper plays FBI agent Richie DiMaso in an equally intriguing and hilarious performance. (And with a better perm than I've ever had!) I was never sure if I was rooting for him or against the entire film, but I was certainly glad to be in the audience. (I said it last year and I'll say it again, "No more Hangover movies!")

Jeremy Renner

 I am a HUGE Jeremy Renner fan. I've always thought of him as being one of the most overlooked and underused talents in today's cinema world. So, I was ecstatic to see that Russell added him to his cast list. (Meaning there's a great chance of seeing him in future David O. Russell projects.) Looking adorable in his pompadour (making me think he should do only period pieces from here on out), Renner delivered a career-standout performance as New Jersey Mayor Polito. Heartfelt, slick, tender and charismatic. I'm rooting for him at the SAG Awards, disappointed in the oversight for a Golden Globe and crossing my fingers for a surprise Oscar nomination.

Jennifer Lawrence 

Back with Russell after her Oscar win for Silver Linings Playbook, Lawrence delivers once again as expected. Nutty, heartbreaking and hilarious all at once, she can expect to be busy once again this award season. (And, seeing that her role as Rosayln was a supporting one, we can root for both her and Adams this year and not feel the need to choose a favorite between the two.)

Christian Bale

Teaming with Russell for a second time after his winning role in The Fighter, what more can be said about the talent that is Christian Bale? Always magnificent, never duplicated. He is easily the most dependably amazing and diverse performers of the modern era. Unrecognizable, once again. A busy award season should be his expected M.O. for the season (and, for the remainder of his career.)

I'm not going to give you a plot review or any hints about twists and turns. With film-making like this, no such reviews are necessary. If you want to see a great director turn out amazing performances from his beyond stellar cast, go see American Hustle. 

Would-Like-to-Do-tions

I'm not a resolution kind of gal.  I'm not into making promises that I don't intend to keep. The Bible says that God delights in those who keep their promises (Proverbs 12:22), so I've always been a woman of my word. Of few words. Of very few promised and spoken words. 

If I ever make you a promise, know I've thought it through carefully and take it uber seriously. (With an act of God clause attached, of course.) It's nice to delight the Lord and others. It's not so nice to fake out.

Therefore in 2014, I resolve nothing. I see everyone posting their vows today and it's all very inspiring. So in substitution, I'll instead announce my Would-Like-to-Do-tions for this year:

• Follow the THINK rule (above) more often before speaking. Stop trying to convince myself that "is it funny?" is one of them. If there were an F in think, it'd be fink. Don't be one!
• Blog more. BOTH blogs. People are forgetting that I know more than just the state of pop culture.
• Sew more. The Christmas gift rush of quilts was back-breaking work, but satisfying. Practice makes perfect. One day the binding will come out even and the quilt-stitching free of lumpy seams!
• Taper off on the holiday feeding frenzy. More protein, less carbs. And what is a hypoglycemic doing with all of those sugary snacks? No wonder I'm feeling so lop-sided and sleepy. Nightly nacho snacks are also a holiday binge. There's no holidays left this season. Cut it down to maybe 2-3 times a week.
• Exercise more. Because everybody says this. And, let's face it, I need to.
• Go see a couple movies. Award season is upon us.
• Save my way closer to home ownership. I'd like to finally see if all of this stuff can fit into one place.
• Even though I've been scratching and saving, I should allow myself at least one vacation this year. Even if it's just a weekend trip. Even if it's just one county over. Responsibility is making me a little stir crazing.

Wait! I do have one resolution I know I can follow through on and that I am not ashamed to solemly vow for fear of punking out later:

• I vow to trim my bangs. They are starting to get in my eyes.

Happy 2014! Make it true. Make is helpful. Make it inspiring. Make it necessary. Make it kind. (And, maybe a little bit funny too...)

2013 Year in Review

Best Of, Worst Of... what's the diff?  

This is An Aunt's Life's 2013 year in review!

(Click links for more)

IN MUSIC:

• Macklemore (and that guy he hangs out with) winning up a storm at this year's awards circuit. The music world was primed and ready for a fresh-voiced M.C. who treasures his thrift shop wares over the other guys' iced-out bling. (Did you catch the E! special featuring another peek at the rapper with the softer side?  In it, Mackelmore treats his future mother-in-law to a surprise home makeover. Adorable!)
• 2013 was my introduction to the always suave Robin Thicke (Also the world's introduction to Blurred Lines: Cosby Edition.) Hey hey hey!
• Miley Cyrus helped us all sharpen our comedy skills while she poked out our eyes with her tail bone. Simultaneously, she managed to leave a snail trail of saliva across the nation to which a large enough stockpile of Clorox wipes has not yet been found to reverse the effects. (Maybe they'll work on my eyes, though...)
• Justin Bieber finally jumped the shark. (Oh great! I just gave him another idea, didn't I?)
• Jared Leto's (sorry... Thirty Seconds to Mars') cover of Rihanna's "Stay".  A great way to listen to a good Rihanna song without having to actually listen to Rihanna. (Alright, you caught me. I liked her version too.)
• Will.i.am sues Pharrell Williams over his "i am Other" brand. I picture next year's turf battle to be Marshall Mathers vs the "My Name Is" badges at Office Max. Stickers, you're going DOWN!

ON TV:

• Always late to the party, I finally got into Breaking Bad during its final season. I thought it was on HBO! I don't have HBO! I finished up season five with the rest of the planet (leading into what was, arguably, the best series finale in television history) and I've enjoyed binge-watching its past seasons ever since.  Yes! I fit five seasons of TV-watching into one calendar year. What did you do?
• After a growing annoyance over the terms "granite countertops" and "stainless steel appliances", I finally managed to find a group of women snobbier than the young housewives on House Hunters. The middle-aged housewives buying vacation homes on House Hunters International! Quit looking for an American kitchen in a non-American home! Like you're really going to be cooking a full Thanksgiving dinner once a week in the Caribbean!
• Bates Motel was a perfect mesh of creepy, intrigue, drama and fabulous acting. And I don't even like scary stuff!  Catch up on season one before the next season begins in 2014. (P.S. Wahoo to Vera Farmiga and her Emmy nomination!)
• I got conned into watching David Blaine: Real or Magic? in which he pierced a knitting needle clean through his own tricep and threw up a belly full of water. Thus, answering the title's pressing question.
• Cell phone advertisers stepped it up a notch this year with hilarious bits from the kiddies pushing AT&T. (In my opinion, the red-headed kid from the turtle one and the young lass whom I'm deemed Werewolf Girl should start traveling with an entourage. Of adoption agents. Because I want to own them!) The James Earl Jones and Malcolm McDowell spots for Sprint also scored big with me. Totes magotes.
• Glee's farewell to Finn episode nearly killed me. Providing me with instant onset depression and a crying headache that lasted for days!

• I'm not much a fan of country music or soap operas, yet Nashville managed to still get me thoroughly hooked. Besides. Who can resist the real-life Stella sisters!
• Louie C.K.'s hilariously truthful rant on cell phones (and kids, and life, etc.) on Conan was worth staying up late for.
• Under the Dome won me over just in time for the Time Warner/CBS dispute that took it off the air. (Thanks to modern technology, we could still watch it here!) If you can't get into the plot, you can at least play my Spot the Killed Off/Canceled Actor game. (Head start: Hank from Breaking Bad, Deputy Shelby from Bates Motel, Lt. Mason from Detroit 187, the original Victoria from Twilight...)
• ABC Family canceled Bunheads, whose young dancers decided to handle it like the pros that they are.
• And, for the Detroit locals, Ben Bailey left the Fox 2 morning team. Leaving me still longing for my forecasts, handsome with a chance of dimples.

IN MOVIES:

• Frozen. So, I may be a little behind on my yearly Oscar nominee binge. Maybe, all the way behind.  As in, I haven't seen much (any) grown-up stuff (like, at all!) this year, but have caught plenty of cartoons with my nephews. Either way, I would still highly recommend Disney's newest animated film Frozen to anyone. I loved it. Little girls all fell in love with the newest princess characters. My nephews loved the humor and bits of action. It was a win-win-win all around. BEST Disney animated princess movie since Beauty and the Beast. I'll stand by that, too!

CAST REUNIONS THAT MADE US FEEL OLD:

School of Rock (10 years! Really?!)

Mystic Pizza

Boy Meets World

Freaks and Geeks

The Sandlot 

Wayne's World

Full House.  Not just here, but...

...Kimmy Gibler and D.J. Tanner were also spotted at a NKOTB concert together!

And then there's also the complete possibility that this is going to happen!

ON THE WEB

• This year I quit Candy Crush. Cold turkey.  (But, may find myself in need of a Papa Pear Saga support group in 2014.)
• Pinterest. Where had you been all my life while I busied myself on Facebook? Sorry to have ignored you for so long. Equally inspiring and enabling. I demand that you all now follow me here.
• Two words. Christmas Jammies. Love it or hate it, it happened and it's stuck in your head now, isn't it? Mwah-ha-ha-HA!!!

• Dance battle in Detroit. 
• Dinovember. Read it. Live it. Be it!
• Best reasons for detention. They really are.
• What did the fox say? Certainly not that!
• This blog brought in new readership with the continuously curious mix of search words including "Charlie Brown Violet Brat", "Fancy Comforters", "Garfield Halloween Cartoon Scary" and the ever popular "Meth Mouth" still being used. (I also hit over 7,600 page views and counting this year. Thank you muchly!)

LET'S LEAVE IT BEHIND IN 2013:

• Hot Dog Leg pics. Let's pretend these never happened.
• Twerking.  Saying it, watching it on YouTube and, for heaven's sake, actually doing it! Let's just stop all of the above in 2014.
• Michael Bolton hustling for Honda. At first, I was like "Awww... I didn't realize that I'd missed Michael Bolton." Then after hearing it air every 20 minutes or so, non-stop, I decided that maybe I was just thinking about Office Space.  (Okay, fine. This one is better than that one if I have to choose.)
• Real Housewives. All of them!  Bravo has created a monster and now that monster must be slain.
• The Harlem Shake. It doesn't even have moves! C'mon on now. Learn to dance a little bit next year. Especially if you're going to record yourself doing it and post it everywhere. Even if it's just a little left-together, right-together. If that's the best you can muster, I'll take it over a Harlem Shake!
• Celebrating train wrecks. Miley, Lindsey, Amanda Bynes, Kardshian marriages... let's stop looking at them. Let's revere the nice people instead of the shallow, and encourage the struggling instead gawking at them.
• Kardashian overload. Take your Kanye and go!
• Saying "totes" instead of "totally", unless you're a distinguished man over the age of 70.
• Every word that my spellcheck did not accept from this post: "bling", "twerking", "Miley", "Bieber", "Kanye", "countertops"... huh?... wait, "Macklemore", "Facebook", "NKOTB". Maybe I should rethink this last bulletpoint.

Have a happy, healthy and safe New Year!  If you need a ride home tonight CLICK HERE and request one. Please don't drink and drive! It's just not cool.

Melting Snowmen Cookies

The most fun I've had so far this holiday season was making the melting snowmen cookies that I found on Pinterest. (Sorry family, that not a slam to any gathering we've had so far...)

I made up instructions based on Pinterest pics I'd seen of the finished product.  Since others have been looking for the "recipe", I figured I'd write out the instructions for you all here today:

What you'll need: 1.) Sugar cookie dough (or ingredients if you're showing off), 2.) White cookie icing, 3.) Colored decorating frosting. I used red and green for the scarves and black for the face, buttons and arms. Most important is that you choose a black frosting that comes with a fine tip; 4.) Large s'more-sized marshmellows.  That's it!

Step One: Make your favorite sugar cookies. From scratch, break-off, cut-off, doesn't matter. You're going to impress people with your hilarity here, not your baking skills. I used the Pillsbury break-off kind. If you go that route, please realize that the cookies, as they're packaged, will be too small to accomodate the giant marshmellow. My pack came with 24 cookies. I cut 8 in half and rolled together 1.5 precut cookies to form a new, larger, dough ball for each. (Rolling the dough in a ball will also make the finished product nice and round.) For those fractionally impared, that will give you 16 finished cookies.

Step Two: Heat up the cookie icing following the directions on the back.  I used Wilton's 10 oz white cookie icing tube, which was exactly enough for my 16 cookies. Once cookies have cooled, start squirting! I went haphazard style on my first few, but then realized that crossing back and forth in a flower-like or star pattern caused the glaze to melt as nicely as melting snow. You don't have to overdo it either. Don't try to cover every inch of the cookie. Once you've drawn your pattern, the blank spaces fill in quite nicely since this is more of a glaze medium we're working with. You'll see the spots you'll need to fill in within seconds. Don't waste your glaze! And, for heaven's sake, don't just frost the cookies all the way across like you normally do. These snowmen are dying and it has to be hilarious! If they don't carry the Wilton's (or a similar product) in your area, I'd recommend making your own glaze and using a pastry bag for application. If you use cake frosting from the can, you won't get the same effect. Don't say I didn't warn you!

Step Three: Add the marshmellow quickly, before the glaze sets. The glaze serves as the adhesive to keep your marshmellow on.  These snowmen may be dying, but let them die with the diginity of having their heads attached.  Don't place the marshmellow in the center, either. Put it more toward one edge so you can draw the body later on.

Step Four: Go to town!  Wait, put the car keys down. Stay in the kitchen. That was just an expression meaning "Start having fun!" Draw the scarves on first. I used Wilton's icing in red and green that comes in the aerosol cans. I used the leaf tip for a more scarfy effect. Next draw the face, buttons and arms. (Don't forget the expressiveness of eyebrows!) I used some sort of black sparkle gel frosting that came in a little tube for this. It was the only kind of black icing I could find this time of year. Think ahead at Halloween time if you'd like more black decorative frosting options and buy early.

Step Five:  Think of the children. I was having a grand ol' time make devastated-looking Frosties, but then I remember Frosty.  And, all the kids that will be at the party I'm bringing these to. And, how they might begin to cry when they see I've baked Frosty after he'd already escaped from that evil magician. So I added a few smiley faces. Some snowmen like the sun! (See the movie Frozen for reference.) They think melting is quite ticklish. Smiling cookies are for the children. (Except maybe the one above on on the right. He appears to have suffered a gunshot wound to the head, due to icing not being my best medium.)

Step Six: Have a jolly holiday!